First post from Arizona and it came to me while crying in the shower - weird -

I’ve been meaning to update but obviously I haven’t.  I will try to bullet the important things going on in my life that are actually relevant to my blog:

-I was laid off the day after my last post.  And no I had ZERO idea it was coming L

-I took a travel assignment for 13 weeks in Phoenix Arizona.

-I had to leave everyone I knew and loved across the country.

-My mother made the 2 day road trip to Phoenix (another blog, another time.)

That leads me to last night/this past week.

Initial thoughts “How cool am I to go across the US just to work.  Who actually gets to do that and do it with their best friend.  I’ll be somewhere warm.  What an experience.  I’m going to be the impact.  Missing my friends and family won’t be an issue since it is only 13 weeks.” 

Current thoughts “I miss my family.  I miss my friends.  I miss my church.  What kind of impact could I ever make?  Who am I?”

Thursday was the first day of really feeling lost.  I watched church service alone Thursday night and couldn’t help but cry my eyes out.  I feel as though I’ll never find a church like Quest and truth is I don’t want to.  Quest is my home and where my comfort is. –Important part of my reflection- 

Friday morning I had a FaceTime session with my lifegroup and felt even sadder.  I cannot put into words how important the people in KY are to me.  You would think I was dying or going across the world never to return!  So all day Friday I was in a funk. 

While in the shower I started to cry (I promise I don’t cry this often), and begged Jesus to do something with my hormonal, irrational self.  Yes, I have my heart to hearts with Jesus in the shower..who doesn’t?

I looked up with my hands open for suggestions or any sort of help available and asked “Who am I?”  The question came out before I could even think twice about why I would ask that and why I didn’t know the answer.  Clearly I know who I am but Jesus knew what I meant before I even knew what the question was really asking...Who am I here in Arizona?  Where is my identity without my friends, family, place of employment, church, lifegroup, etc…

Church service was about the action steps of not living in the toxic of unforgiveness…meaning in order to continue our walk with Christ we needed to take up our cross and go to our offenders to ask for forgiveness or give them forgiveness…For me I had an instant list of offenders that had hurt me and being the person I am had hurt them in return (not my proudest moments.)  Two people I sent immediate texts to and the freedom I found was insane!  One reply was better than I could have imagined and the other was exactly what Pastor Pete had warned us of..Pastor Pete said something that should be tattooed on my forehead: “The cross wasn’t a logical response..It was a grace response.  Forgiveness wasn’t deserved or earned..It was a gift of mercy and love.”  WHOA!

Friday night we went to a Chris August concert with our new travel RN friend who knows Jesus (how freaking awesome!!)

Saturday (today) reflection:  At the concert I probably spent 50% just falling in love with Chris August (true story) and the other 50% just thinking/analyzing on the thoughts I had been writing down throughout this week..

1-I haven’t found a church because I have shut myself off.  I came to AZ thinking it was pointless and hopeless to find something as amazing as Quest.  Who knows I may not find a “home” like Quest but I could at least allow my heart to try!  Tomorrow after work we are trying out a new church and I know Jesus is totally going to meet me there..I can’t wait to see what He has to show me.

2-I have spent so much time wallowing in my sadness and allowing things/people here on earth BE my identity.  This was a sin (ouch..hard to swallow that sentence).. Truth is my identity is in Christ.. Where and when did I lose sight of this?  More importantly – HOW AWESOME IS IT TO ADMIT THAT I DIDN'T LOSE BUT SIMPLY MISPLACED MY IDENTITY AND FOUND IT!  Talk about feeling lighter!!  Then Chris August totally spoke about how sometimes he loses sight and he is a Christian musician..Aren’t they supposed to have it all together?!  WHOA!!!

3-Jesus led us straight to hospital orientation and sat us right in front of a girl who traveled all alone and had such a peace and excitement about it..what made her so sure she was doing the right thing and doing it alone?! (brave)..later I found out that she had a heart that beat for Jesus.  Her shine was the same shine I possess but have allowed the enemy to bury under the sin of  misplaced identity..Whoa.

So even if this doesn't sound at all like WHOA moments to you it certainly has been for me.  This post is long and I still feel like there is much more to say…Tonight I am working on the unit for the first time.  I am hoping that all these crazy Whoa moments are fuel to be the shining Jesus lover I was made to be..so after some not so shiny moments I am back on track and ready to be the impact.  That is who I am!

Prayers are welcome and always wanted ;)

Thanks for reading my brain traffic :p